It's so fast that a month has past since I started my new temporary job at Harbourfront! It just felt as if I was going to start work tomorrow! The people there are nice, it was as usual tough coping at the start.. Never knew why it always happens with all the crying and fear within me. What a joke right, never knew that Estee's like this. Sometimes, it's tough to put up a tough front. But oh well, :)

Headed to the temple at Bedok today to pay respects to Gong gong. :) Lunch was at Changi V's Ubin afterthat! Mama's treat, and wow at the price man. But lunch was great nonetheless. Thank you Mama :)

And hi I miss you, dumbass. Studying should be fun tomorrow. :D

`x estee x`

More than words to show I feel.

Before this special day ends, I'd like to say dedicate this post to my precious girlfriends.

Christy - 3 Years Friendship Anniversary

Dear Christy,

Thanks for being the best angel ever for three years and counting... There's no amount of Thank Yous I can say cause it'll take my whole lifetime. Thanks for appearing in my life and take care of me all this time, listening to my sorrows and happiness and withstand my weakness and imperfections to build up this friendship make it such a special one. It hasn't been a smooth three years for us, of course. Every friendships has their ups and down, but without your persistent and belief in me, we wouldn't have come this far. It's fate that brought us together three years back, now it's destiny that we would still be friends for years to come. And I'm confident, though you're SP girl and I'm TP girl, our friendship will still last for many years to come till death do us part. :)

Yours Sincerely,

Estee

Dear Delia, Kathy, Wai Yan,

Though we've known each other at different timings, but I sincerely thank god for you girls as my girlfriends. Indeed, as what Delia said, It was never easy to sustain this friendship. We have our differences in views of different matters, but still these differences complemented each and our strengths and weaknesses. It's been a month since we pledged as 'The Four Bs' at Century Square's Popeye's. And come one month after, we celebrated our pledge together despite our busy schedule. It's really heartwarming to know that we are able to come this far together, being there for each other. Recently, lots happened. Quarrels, misunderstandings, bitchings, hatred, etc. But still, we overcame this obstacle and pulled through to bring a new start for this friendship. No one is irreplacable. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt any of you with my words, and sorry for being so dumb. :( I can't help it! But nonetheless, it's our imperfections that bring our friendship to a higher level of mutual understanding and love for each other.

There's really nothing more that I can express through these words, but earnestly, I would keep all the memories we had together, precious ones. Once again, with more than words can say,

I love you girls, my bimbos/babes! xoxo'

Yours Sincerely,

Estee B. Kho

`x estee x`

I'm stuck in this life I didn't ask for.

Tell me when do you all ever spare a thought for me? Tell me who will always be the one giving in? Tell me why must I always try to think for you all and not the other way? Tell me why should I not be feeling miserable with such a life. Tell me why am I not dead.

`x estee x`

And I say goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knew.

I finally understand why... And know what? I'm happy for you for because it's the wisest decision you've ever made. I won't forget all that has happened between us, but I'd just keep it and not look back. I've never been looking back ever since I've got him. I moved on first, you moved on too. So, we're presently happily with someone we love now. I will cross my road, you will cross yours. This is the end and I wish you both all the best. Do give me your blessings too yeah? :)

And yes, at least I came to realise how much I did not matter to you afterall. Thanks!

`x estee x`

This feeling I'm feeling is something I never know.

The feeling of earning my own buck again is simply awesome! School's been really... slack this block I guess. Creative storytelling. I'd say it's not a very interesting module but it's definitely one that can overkill your brain cells for coming up with a story. Right, assignment two is tedious. And considering the fact that I spent my day today working and tomorrow Sentosa. That means I've only Sunday to work on it whole-heartedly.

Oh, I was brainstorming on the train just now. It's funny how I just took out my foolscap pad and pen and started working on my layout for assignment two so that I'll be able to focus more on the writing on Sunday. Ha! Talk about treating it as my own home.

Wed's dinner with B's were super hilarious! Met up with Kathy and Delia after class and headed to Tampines Central to walk around first. We had several stuffs to get. Ultimately, Kathy's Salsa heels were priority! Oh, no! My socks were of a necessity! Now the back of my feets have really awful abrasions. :( It sucks when your skin tears! Pain to the max! :(

But ya as I was saying, it was so hilarious with the B's! Wy joined us after her class! Delia bought a pair of boots from Mondo at an unreasonably cheap price! Her smile was priceless! I swear De's smile always brings joy to me! It's just so nice to see her smile! :)

Our dinner was chapalans from various basements of malls. Tori-Q was our main course. De and I shared Sushi too! Kathy and Wy bought their own sushi sets! Omg, joke ttm man! We ate on the bench like it's our house! Practically moved the bench here and there! Hahahah!

Alright, mum's nagging at me to hand over the comp now! Nights! :)

`x estee x`

All about Gemini!

Zodiac Signs - Gemini
Gemini Astrology May 21 - June20

Gemini Strength Keywords:

- Energetic
- Clever
- Imaginative
- Witty
- Adaptable
Gemini Weakness Keywords:

- Superficial
- Impulsive
- Restless
- Devious
- Indecisive
Gemini and Independence:

Gemini are extremely independent. They will not be pinned down by anyone or any rules. They need to experience the world on their own. Change and freedom are extremely important to Gemini, they will never let anyone dictate them, they are extremely independent and freedom is essential to their mental well being.


Gemini and Friendship:

Gemini make very interesting and exciting friends. They like to leave their mark on everyone they meet. They are very flighty and will disappear for a long time as they meet new friends and explore new places. But when they come back, they will have new thoughts, opinions and interesting things to share and ideas to teach. Life is very interesting and fun with a Gemini friend. If you need any advice, Gemini is the one to ask. They are masters of communication and they can help you get what you need by helping you with persuasion and enthusiasm, and they give good advice too. Do not however, bog a Gemini down with all of your emotional problems, they are not want to deal with it because it depresses them and steps on their freedom if you need too much long term help, support and follow up. A Gemini friend can fill you in with the latest gossip and if you love conversation, the Gemini delivers! They are very generous with their friends, they will spend lots of time with you and share everything with you. Even though Gemini is a social butterfly, they always need time for themselves and that should be respected.
Gemini and Business:

Gemini tends to disperse their energy on different tasks and not just focus on one thing thus leaving a trail of unfinished projects in their wake. If they were to focus their energy in one place, their cleverness and intelligence would allow them to complete their project with success and creativity. Gemini makes an excellent manager, they can motivate a team with their enthusiasm and vitality. They also make excellent salespeople because their ease of communication allows them to be clever and make a comeback to anything a person says. They can persuade and manipulate very well. They can easily justify any move they make and explain any action.
Gemini Temperament:

Gemini have the ability to react instantly to situations, and as a result, they have a very nervous temperament. They can be compared to a wound up spring as they attempt to absorb everything they can about their surroundings at once. The fact that they enjoy various situations and people add to their nervousness and that means they are almost constantly wound up. However, if they experience boredom and have nothing to survey, they get the same emotions, the need for excitement and variety. This is the Gemini duality, constantly conflicting emotions in one spontaneous, excitable package.
Gemini Deep Inside:

One downfall of Gemini is their superficiality. Instead of looking deep into a person's real qualities, Gemini will judge a person by the way they treat them. This can lead Gemini to have wrong impressions of people and can cause problems ion relationships. Gemini's can have feeling of discouragement and moodiness although they never allow this to be seen by anyone but heir closest friends or family. Gemini usually want everyone to think that they are always happy and doing wonderfully and stress never affects them.
Gemini in a Nutshell:

Gemini people are many sided, quick both in the mind and physically. They are brimming with energy and vitality, they are clever with words. They are intelligent and very adaptable to every situation and every person. Gemini are curious and always want to know what's going on in the world around them. They are not one to sit back and watch the world go by, they want to be involved. This can sometimes make Gemini nosy, they do not mind their own business! This is because they really enjoy communicating, more so then most other astrology signs, they are the ultimate social butterfly. Gemini can talk and talk, but they have interesting things to say, their talk is not mindless babble. They have interesting opinions and thoughts on things and are not afraid to speak their mind. They are always in the know and are the one to see for the latest juicy gossip. Lacking perseverance, Gemini easily goes off topic to explore another thought or idea. Gemini are superficial, they will form opinions on matter without diving into them and exploring them fully. This can lead them into thinking they know everything, which they usually do but their mind is too busy to be concerned with fine details. Routine and boredom are Gemini's biggest fears. Gemini would rather be naive then know the depressing truth, they do not want anything putting a damper on their freedom or positive energy.



Gemini Love, Sex and Relationships

What it's like to date a Gemini Woman:

The Gemini woman is truly enchanting. However, dating her might feel more like a friendship then a real relationship due to her casual nature. This is not necessarily a disadvantage, for the casual man who shy's away from overly romantic emotions, she is the perfect woman. Since she is the astrology sign of the duality, she offers quite the challenge. One one hand, she needs to be nurtured, loved and catered to and on the other hand, she needs stimulation and novelty. She is very demanding and if you do not provide what she wants, she will be off onto the next adventure pretty quickly. To keep her interested is a challenge, not completely impossible so she is the perfect woman for the man who likes stimulation and a challenge. She needs a partner with a quick mind, she tends to poke and prod at the emotions and the minds of those who are mentally slower then her, make sure you can keep up to her wit or you will briskly be left behind. She is prone to keeping men on a string, not completely heartlessly, she is evaluating if the man is worth her attention and her time she has no time to waste with a dull man. Once you have her approval, she can easily become jealous. The reason for her is jealousy is that if she is going to open up to a man, when she rarely completely opens up to anyone, she does not want to risk her being deceived or hurt. If you are with a Gemini woman and she becomes jealous, you are on the right track to true love! Gemini women are so exciting that they are worth the effort, you will remember her forever!
What it's like to date a Gemini Man:

He is a great date - charming, witty, funny, clever, talkative, creative, adventurous, just make sure you can keep up with him! Women are drawn to Gemini men because of their zest for life and their vitality and enthusiasm. You may have competition to if you are trying to win his heart. Do not expect to win him and keep him all to yourself. He is flighty and dictates his own,. He will not allow himself to be pinned down and ruled by a woman. You are going to be his sidekick, not his passionate lover. He loves women and is very good at persuading them and manipulating them with his cleverness getting them into bed, he will say anything to get what he wants. He is the master of seduction. If you are looking for a great fling, the gemini man is your top choice.

How To Attract Gemini:

Love to talk, that is the first rule about impressing a Gemini. Be knowledgeable about that you talk about too because Gemini are intelligent and have lots of knowledge about many things. If you are an expert on a certain topic, teach them about it, you will impress them because this know-it-all sign is does not usually know fine details about a lot of things, they are too busy to bother to learn. Speak your mind, engage them in a friendly debate but never be too conservative, they find this dull. Be honest and loyal to a Gemini, once they have had their trust broken they usually will never get it back again. Gemini are easy to date, they will do any activity anywhere. Just have fun, like you would with a friends because that's what Gemini are, a great friend.

Gemini Erogenous Zone:

Gemini's hot spots are the hands and arms. These are very sensitive regions and are very receptive a massage and a gentle touch or stroke. This also calms the high-strung Gemini and relaxes them, setting the mood for passion. Gemini's usually love their finger being sucked or nibbled, a great integration into foreplay that will heighten the mood. Gemini women love it when a man grabs their hand and kisses it, like a princess.

Sex With Gemini:

Gemini loves to experiment and sex with a Gemini is full of novelty and excitement, trying anything and everything nearly anywhere. Gemini is not for the faint of heart or the shy and secretive lovers!

`x estee x`

I'm so over being blue crying over you.

I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know!

You said the same thing too you know.

But never once, out loud.

`x estee x`

I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all.

Back from Jakarta and there's so much to say! But I am thinking, blogging isn't gonna be easy. So I'll just keep the memories within my heart and mind. :)

I lack the motivation to come in blogger and blog about my happenings already. Cause it doesn't feel right at all. Now that I've got twitter, I find it easier to connect my thoughts with just sentences instead of paragraphs. Lately, so many sad incidents are happening to my close ones. I can't help but feel, affected too. But, I don't want it to be a problem for me. I'm not seeing it as a problem now, but I hope I don't in the future.

In Jakarta, one of the many long-hours ride made me ponder and think - Life's too short to have regrets. I thought of someone. Then another face appeared. And another, and another..

Right, I used to stubbornly insist that Estee Kho doesn't regret. But in actual fact, who doesn't? Don't blame a Gemini for her stubbornness, cause it's just it. Somehow, I couldn't swallow the fact that I've been living for 17 years. How the 17 years just went by like that, How much did I go through during this 17 years, How much ups have I felt rather than down and vice versa, etc.

I'm an aunt now. I've got nieces and nephews now. I'm 17 with a mind of my own and I have to choose my own direction I wish to head, with who I want, with what my goals are, etc.

I want to go back to my childhood so much, I want to have a child so much too. I just want the past and future, but not the present. It's a wonder why people say the present of my life now is the best, when everything seems to be a dead end with problems falling on me like a pile of bricks. It hurts. Then again, my resistance makes me feel, good. I don't wanna crumble under that pile of rocks. I don't want to succumb to fate. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to be happy. But, how?

`x estee x`

Tick, Tock, Tick.

Life is an irony,
Love is an agony.
Living is painful,
Loving is hurtful.
Look as it happened,
Leave as it dampens.
Learn to accept,
Lie to reject.
Level to your limits,
Listen to your minutes.

Tick, Tock, Tick.

`x estee x`

It's not that I don't want to, It's I don't even know how..

It's not that I don't want to, It's I don't even know how..

Now things have turned out this way, what am I even supposed to feel?

`x estee x`

And thank you for showing me, that girl friends cannot be trusted.

I think, I really think, you hurt me damn bad.

Friends? Girlfriends? Are you serious?

I supposed that night was a way of compensation?

And to think I felt so guilty for maybe joking a lil' too harsh that night.

I don't know man, I really don't.

What good will there be?

I can't believe you're such a person.

I don't know, I don't wanna know, I really don't know what to do anymore.

Why should I pretend that I don't care, when in actual fact I really do?

For all I know, you're constantly telling tales about me behind my back which are not even true and I'm still happily talking to you at your very face.

Know what girl? I am damn fucking sad, I am damn fucking hurt.

`x estee x`

Seventeen!

I AM SEVENTEEN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! (:

LOTS TO UPDATE!

THANKS TO MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE FOR THE WISHES! :D

Will update more detailed soon!

`x estee x`

Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased?

Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I am givin' up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you really have everything you want?
You can't ever give somethin' you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah
come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had all that I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?

`x estee x`

F.love.

Fuck love.

`x estee x`

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.

Somehow or rather, I guess I can never forget 14 May..

Headed home after school then left house again at 8 to meet the lovely people for dinner.
Dinner was at Fish&Co. with David, Deborah, Desmond, Desmond's girl-friend (Jenelle?), Gordon, Priscilla and Titus.
It was meant to be a surprise birthday dinner for me.
Honestly, I didn't really expect cause there's still 8 days till my actual day.
But I'm really grateful for everything.
As usual, Pris treated me! :(
Cannot like that okay! Your birthday, my turn to treat youuu!

Oh, I guess I'm never gonna go Fish&Co. to celebrate my birthday again.
I was asked to stand on a chair and the waitresses shouted to the whole restaurant to sing a birthday song for me.
So much for the attention. :/
Me no likey attention. Especially when that scenario was bad enough.
But nonetheless, I'd still love to thank the lovely waitresses for the song. :)

Thank you all so much. It's indeed very memorable.
I can finally blog on mysilent-sayings after so long..

`x estee x`

An hour an a half.

This week's submission week!
So everyone in Design school is basically rushing through!
I am vey much used to it, yea so fast!

I've finally finished everything!
Unbelievable! But I'm very proud of myself! :)

Yay, Dinner tonight with Pris and the guys!
So long never see Pris already!
Right, tata! I shall prepare for school now!

`x estee x`

Thirty-three hours.

The clock is ticking..

Time is running out.

I dread to see the outcome.

`x estee x`

There can be miracles, when you believe.

I'm pretty much drained from the amount of work that is pending. Some of which are not even possible to be done now cause the camera has to be charged. I've been thinking of ideas for my FunDigPho's final assignment. I vividly remember I was pretty much the only one that went like 'YAY!' when I got my theme for the final assignment.

Name: Estee Kho Xiao Juan
Subject: Colors (with human touch)

Colors! I remember saying I love colors a lot somewhere here! And yes I really do! But taking a step back and analyzing further, it's not that easy to capture the essence of the theme. Colors! It's anywhere and everywhere! But how then, do I bring out the strength and message of the photo?

It's a challenge. It's my challenge.

I consulted Mathias yesterday and none of my photos couldn't be use to get a decent pass. I knew it. Even before I consulted him, I knew it. I was utterly disappointed with myself.
"Estee Kho, are you serious on showing these piece of crap? You know you're capable of doing better than that."

And indeed, Mathias directed that fact out.
"No.. We can't use any of that. Estee, I've seen your work. You're much capable than that. You're much more colorful than that. You have to see beyond the problem. Look at the solution and not the problem. Only then you're able to bring out your creativity. The solution is to think out of the box, being creative. And you definitely have that."

I finally understand why previous batches of Mathias broke down before him. Cause one thing for sure, I could have done so too yesterday. The words, the believe, the confidence Mathias have in us is insurmountable of what I felt lecturers would never have.

Stepping into poly life, we were all treated and respected as young responsible adults. And from what I observed, there isn't much connection a lecturer would have between students and themselves. I really do not want to let these people who believe in me down.

Think of the ordinary as the extraordinary.

`x estee x`

And till now, I've failed so badly.

It took me years to realise how the world is changing everyday. People move on from where they left the previous period. And for some, they can't seem to get out of their past and live each day with negative perceptions within the recesses of their heart. I am utterly disappointed with myself towards the needs of my friends.

Friends - They seem to be anywhere and everywhere. But how many? How many do I actually count as a friend whom I'll be most willing to share my problems with? And yet, how many am I actually able to let them rely on me to share their burdens and problems? I always say: "I'm always a call/sms away if you ever need someone to listen." "I'll be here whenever you need me." "Remember, don't keep everything to yourself. I'm always here." But honestly, am I really able to be there to keep up with my words and promises?

A very close friend of mine was telling me: "Why is this world so unfair? Why is everyone just thinking for themselves and not others? Why do we always have to give in to them?" I reflected and summed up: "In a friendship, it's like a game of Tug-o-War. Eventually, the loser will fall and the winner will be able to stay on form. Same goes for a friendship, one will naturally have to give in to the other to prevent hurt inflicted on both parties. Imagine none of us were to let the other, the consequences would have been both injuring themselves from the tension of the pull. It's tough to maintain a friendship with mutual understanding and concern, for everyone is different and unique in their own ways. There're always different perspectives to see a solution from a problem. But who then, will be able to judge that their perspective is indeed the right solution?

For now, I'm still learning to be a better friend.

And it's definite that I've failed so much as a friend, till now.

`x estee x`

Ideation!

Oh Hi tinybitsoflove! It's been more than a month since I last blogged! School has started and well I've been packed with assignments non-stop! But I love my modules for this block! MOI is very much not what I expected - it's far better! Okay, at least for now school's been fun!

Right, should really go back to my ideation rationale now. Class's starting in another 45mins!

`x estee x`

Walking Back To Memory Lane (I)

26 March 2010 ;

It was the very last day of work for me! Got to know Leslie, who was taking over my position & awesomely insane good pay, and taught him the ropes of being a Cafe Attendant of RHG! And so half of the day pretty much ended in a breeze and it was Lunch Time! Alicia, Cecelia, Hwei Yee, Joyce, Leanne and Pam treated Leslie and I to Sushi Tei for our Welcome & Farewell lunch respectively! And my god, they ordered insanely much! We were pretty much engaging in our conversation when suddenly Alicia received a phone call. Oh well, no wonder they say working life is never easy. And I agree! That's why I shall treasure my time of studying now! :)

Headed back to Dunman after lunch to meet my dearest boyfriend Teresa Yeap! Walked in and heard Sopranos mellifluous singing in 4E's classroom! Went in and the feeling of seeing juniors was really heartwarming! It's always good to feel young in a classroom rather than old in the working environment! After a while, Sops headed back to AVT for combine. Mr Toh wasn't there cause he's overseas with another Choir. I was pretty sad that I couldn't get to see him. :/ Didn't go down for his birthday celebration the week before tooooo! :( But oh ya, I gotta say this. I swear by hook or by crook I'm going to drag another person down when I'm going back Choir! It's really funny and weird that the whole Choir greets you and only you! "Good Afternoon Alumni!" Oh my god, I swear I didn't even bother to hide my awkwardness that some of the juniors laughed! But any-oh-how, my purpose was to meet Teresa and then head down to the Airport to send Riffin off! Oh god, and yes he's still in Venice enjoying April Fool's! :(

So in between after-choir and Airport, I headed over to Teresa's house while she showered and change into a fresh new set of clothes! Her parents were really nice and sweet to send us to the Airport. :) Uncle also wanted to try out his new lens and camera, and so we all headed down to the Airport together! Before we left, he even took several photos of us in Teresa's purple bedroom wall! Hee! :D And oh yes, felt so embarrassed for them to send me home after that! Oh well, boyfriend if you're seeing this : Thank youuuuuu & your sweet&nice awesome family! :D

`x estee x`

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

The feeling of needing someone yet I don't know who is that someone I want before me..
Maybe a lil' drop of Baileys? :/

`x estee x`

Sentosa down, Dinner at Newton!

I want to go Sentosaaaaa! :( Yes and so in the end we didn't manage to go Sentosa on Saturday cause of the rain. But I was pretty much too tired to get my body out of my soft comfy bed! d: But hey! Dinner was really awesome! The oh-so-awesome Cheng Hua aka Manga Boy drove from Airport to fetch Kathy, Jerome and Me down to Newton while the rest train down on their own! Kathy had Beef Noodles, Jerome and Jason Char Kway Teow and I had Hokkien Mee! Then we had Popiah, Rojak, Satay, Carrot Cake, Stingray, etc. To sum up: Superb! :D

Then we all headed down to East Coast for a lil' walk and arcade! Hahaha, Daytona with Jason was the ultimate joke! Almost to the very end, I was behind Jason! Then I maxx all the way and lean the wall to emerge victory at the end! Hahahaha, Jason's reaction was totally EPIC when the results came out! Heee! :D Sorry Toi Toi!

I don't know.. I'm not sure about this at all. I'm just... just not prepared... for now. Can we just remain status quo? :/

`x estee x`

Coffee Girl!

Okay, so I haven't been on the cyber year for like many thousand light years! But that's because I'm practically stucked with my coffee world for this two weeks! After the end of this week, I'm just going to pamper myself with all the rest I can get! Will update more really soon! Please take care everyone! :)

Spread the happy happy love!

`x estee x`

I'll do whatever it takes.

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Why is it that I do not know the pain and sufferings that people close to my hearts are feeling? Is everyone going to be okay? What exactly happened for the past few days? Please do take care of yourself, especially you two. I'm always here and will always be.

`x estee x`

Moving Images

`x estee x`

"Don't fall for a mad girl!"

And so, the incident just now really did dawn upon me that I'm very affected by getting a 5 for English. Depressed? Very much. But based on present states, Ris Low got a 3 for English and look what happened? No offence/intention of shooting her. Hah, maybe I'm bipolar too.

I might be suffering from depression afterall.. :/ It's not the first time that I'm experiencing a sudden turn from laughing to crying. It's simply hysterical. Perhaps, I may need to consult a psychologist!

"Don't fall for a mad girl!"

I so agree!

`x estee x`

I'll try for your love.

Few hours back was Day One without Girlfriend! Apparently she abandoned me for Thailand! :/ Okay, she abandoned her Superman and Brother too! But I was really nice and sweet to send her off this morning! :) So I woke up around 10 and headed to shower and get ready! Reached her block downstairs around 11. Not long after she and her daddy came down and we waited for a cab! Headed to Terminal 1 and they checked in. Afterwhich, we proceeded to Killiney's Kopitiam area for Jollibean while Uncle drank coffee from Killiney! And very soon, both of them headed in already! :( Bade farewell to Girlfriend! Texted and she boarded!

I was pretty confused and lost when Girlfriend left. From Terminal 1, I skytrain-ed down to Terminal 2 and then walk till the very end to head down to Mac then Polar. Passed by Polar and decicded to grab my Sugar Roll (YUMMMY!) to fill my empty stomach! Headed down again to wait for 34 to go home! Oh my geee, the bus ride from Airport to TPJC Bus Stop is $1.11! What's with the 1s! :(

Oh, I was telling Girlfriend. Just on the eve of her departure, so many things cropped up already. What am I supposed to do for the next 9 days!!! :( I hurt him, yes I did. I don't mean it as a revenge at all, cause afterall I willingly suffered in the past. Maybe everyone may say what I did to him was just a mere fraction of what he did to me. But then again, I won't deny he's someone that I did truly love. It's just that, not every story would end up with a happy ending. There may be love, but will there be happiness? But on my side, I'd say I'm very blessed and lucky.

`x estee x`

If I say you're the one, would you believe me?

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one
would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way

Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
while your running away to chase your dream
Its time for us to make a move
Cause we are asking one another to change
and maybe im not ready

But im trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We’ve been hiding enough

If I sing you a song would you sing along
Or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull
If I give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful
Am I catching up to you
While your running away , to chase your dreams
Its time for us to face the truth
Cause we are coming to each other to change
and maybe im not ready

But im trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We’ve been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one
Would you believe me

`x estee x`

Deep & Meaningless.

I, I dont know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I dont know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
Ill say that Im fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
Its just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it
hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn thats sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just cant leave behind me

`x estee x`

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

Do you know how much this feeling sucks? To know that everything was just a f*ing misunderstanding and yet the string of hurtful words still came out? Maybe at times I do say the wrong stuffs, and perhaps affected you, your face, your ego. But I already insisted that your claim was a misunderstanding. Matter-of-factly, he admitted that it was a wrong on his part for misinterpreting it wrongly. So this is it? You'd rather trust others than your own blood.
Fuck it.

-

I've a friend whom was married. He used to guide me a lot and drill me E Math for hours. During those period, we'd then digress a lil' and talk about our lives. He'd tell me about his relationship with his wife. From what the content was, it seemed that they weren't in a blissful marriage. Instead, he said some stuffs hinting that the marriage was rather broken. At that point of time, I thought he was just joking about it and not mean what he say. But today, I realised there's a possibility that he had already divorced with his wife and moved on. It dawned on me that he wasn't joking at that point of time. And now, we haven't been in contact for a few months. I really wonder how's he doing. I am such a failure as a friend. Sorry, friend.

`x estee x`

CNY'10

Yes yes I know! It's been a really long time since I last pen down my daily happenings, awesome CNY and my eventful life! :)

13th The Reunion Dinner

So 13th was Happy Reunion Dinner on the CNY Eve! Woke up in the morning and headed to Harbourfront to fetch Daddy! Daddy looked much older and frail :( Well, obviously that has to be it. We're all growing older each day. But sometimes, I just wish I can grow older to become much more mature and sensible while my parents are still as young as they were when I was 1. It's rather heartbreaking to see your love ones growing older and weaker yet there's nothing you can do. Honestly, I feel that Daddy's decision to reside in Indonesia has made me learn to treasure what I have. I used to complain and kinda disliked the state my family was in, with maybe never-ending quarrels here and there. Then the usual two, whereby me and my sister or me and my brother or my brother and sister. Growing up has made me learn to not take sides or whatever and really just break the two up. I guess everyone is just tired of emerging that sense of satisfaction you get from winning a quarrel? Right, and so I feel I really treasured that night's dinner a lot. It's really whereby the only day everyone would sit down for a good meal and crack jokes here and there. And so, I realised I do treasure every meal I have with my family - The ones outside and inside.

CNY'10 - Year of the Tiger

This year CNY can be counted as a very memorable year indeed. Though not much time was not spent on shopping for my clothes, I ended up with more than I needed! I failed to wear my pretty pretty black prom dress. But I know there will still be a time for me to wear it. Grandma's 80th Birthday. :) The food throughout the three days were awesome to the max! And this year, we had a different plan from the previous years. Usually, the first two days will be spent at Grandma's/大舅舅's place, but this year's second day was spent at my humble abode!

Haa, come to think of it, I was pretty mad at the guests for arriving at an ungodly hour of 5pm when I woke up bright and early to await for everyone's arrival! And so my whole second day was wasted! :(

But first thing first, as usual we prepared to get ready to 二姑姑's house for lunch. Oh! Have I ever mentioned? My CNY every year would definitely have one bottle of Chocolate-coated Almond tart from 二姑姑! Those tart are the best! Moving on, of course Rendang, Curry Chicken, etc. was served! Yum Yum!

This year was a lil' special though, we didn't really hang out much at 二姑姑's house this time and moved on to Daddy's side relatives like 老姑! Visiting warms my heart, cause we only get to see the people once in a year, and so I think it's really nice to see everyone spending their new year happily! 2009 may be good or bad for some, but to me it's been filled with many significant events. And sure do, regrets were felt, disappointments were heartbreaking, joys were shared, happiness were experienced. It's all part and parcel of our lives. I've learnt to accept my fate, all set to start a brand new year in my brand new school. We don't always get what we want, so whatever it is, treasure what we get to have. And so, I'll tell myself to love TP. I know I will! :)


And yes, as the saying goes: A picture paints a thousand words.
That's pretty much about it for now. I'll update more about the rest of the days soon!
Gym with Kathy and Percy Jackson with mynewawesomehangingouts tomorrow!
Ben&Jerry's on Friday? Dunman's Care&Share on Saturday!

P.S: I love my family, cousins, friends, and everyone that loves me! :)

`x estee x`

LOVE LOVE!

I totally adore my current playlist! :)

-

OH MY GOSH, THIS BLOGSHOP'S DRESSES ARE ALL REALLY PRETTAYEEE! I WANT SO MANY OF THE DRESSES! :(

http://bonitochico.livejournal.com/

`x estee x`

This and that, that and this...

Right yes, Imma TP Design Student.
Getting a Diploma in Moving Images.
As promised, I'd work hard and persevere on.
TP would be fine, it's really not that bad..!

-

It's never easy to decipher what's been going through your mind.
Then again, I never know whether I'm the one or maybe just some other people..
But it gets so freaky till the point of me getting all so sensitive,
and yet again it gets shrug aside?
Sigh, It's never easy being a teenager I suppose.
Why's everyone facing so many problems?
I want to be there for them.
I don't want anyone to be here for me.
But then again, it's never easy to trust someone isn't it?
So who am I to say that you can always count on me to be here for you?

-

Hey MB, I know at some point of our lives we would feel really lost.
I suppose you are too.
But hey, everyone need you to be there, so please get a hold on yourself and be there for them yeah?
I believe in you, so believe your ability!

-

Hopefully everything would go well..
I'm just beginning to let go of some of the many loved ones..
It's never easy, but then again it's inevitable right?

`x estee x`

Girlfriend?

Is it so difficult to find a girlfriend that you can pour everything out to?
I thought I found one, but then again... is it mutual?
Is everything just a lie, a facade?
I seek solace in myself.

`x estee x`

Baby W980, You.

I swear I still feel like crying when I see a W980 out there.. :'/

-

Why do I feel like there's just something wrong betweeen us? I really don't know at all. It's like as if we're drifting and you saying a thing hurts so much. The words that comes out would be filled with thorns cutting through me. Why am I getting so sensitive towards the way you feel might have a relation to me?

I'm starting to be afraid. :'/

`x estee x`

Hello!

SAY HELLO TO ADULT FARE FOR EZ-LINK!
OH MAN, THERE GOES MY MONEY~! :(

`x estee x`

A Family of Four.

I came across a family of four this afternoon while I was on my way to work. As they entered, the lady walked towards nearer to her daughters while the guy stood there in the middle of that cabin. The lady's face portrayed an irritated face and asked the guy to go over. He just stood there. The lady look really decent. The guy's arm and leg was tattooed. It got me wondering:

-How does the guy treat his wife?
-How does the guy treat his daughters?
-Is he a smoker?
-Is he a habitual gambler?
-Is he with a stable job?
-Is his family happy together?

I then sat down on the floor and snapped into my doubts..

`x estee x`

Appeal.

Your application was submitted successfully on 27 Jan 2010 10:58 PM.

Thank you for submitting an application to apply for course(s) under the JAE Appeal. Please click on the button below and retain a copy of the application summary as proof of your course application.

EMAIL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF APPLICATION

You will receive an email acknowledgement of your application shortly.
Please note that you will be allowed to amend or withdraw your application throughout the application period. However, you will need to duly complete and submit your application by 29 Jan 2010, 4pm.

RELEASE OF JAE APPEAL POSTING RESULTS
The results of your application will be released through this portal from 05 Feb 2010 02:00 PM to 06 Mar 2010 05:00 PM. Please access this portal to check on the outcome of your application then.

`x estee x`

You and Him, Him and You.

Why did I tell him about you?
Why did I tell you about him?

I've made a choice, haven't I?

`x estee x`

Intention.

It was never my intention to make you feel sad, vexed, angry.
It was never my intention to bring him up in our conversation.
It was never my intention to think that I'd cry for you, again...

You always leave me crying all by myself, is this your way of saying you loved me?

`x estee x`

Stand Alone

Solitary, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Still looking for the right answer.

I removed, but today I placed it back right where it has been for more than a year. Conclusion? I have yet to comprehend. I'm getting really tired and all I want is to look for an answer. It's just not the same without you, yet I don't understand what's the decision.

`x estee x`

The Longest Story.

Already Gone, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Someone tell me why am I facing the most complicated part of my life?

It is just exactly the point of time when I decided that this should be the end of me and you. I should just stop asking you to give me an answer of our state today. I should just give up and move on. I should stop reminiscing about us since my W980 was lost.

But all of a sudden you surprise me with a change - Do and say some things that I never thought you would, taking much more initiative than you used to, at least letting me feel that you actually do care.

It's been tough and tiring, to go through times without you there with me. In the end, I pulled through. I made a choice. I know I have to. In between, it got to the point that made me even more confused about everything. It seemed like I was slowly opening up to him. I allowed myself to grow fonder of him each time we meet. I don't want to screw up another person's life. But then again I can't help feeling this way.

I loved you, I missed you, I needed you to be here with me, I wanted to spend every minute, every second of my life with you.
Now? I completely don't know how to even answer any of the above question.

Ok, this song is getting too addictive and making me too emotional. Bye.

It's been really long since someone last hold my hand. It's sweet, really..

`x estee x`

Single - Yes, No?

Ok, I seem to forget like I'm single but unavailable!
Am I or am I not?
But oh well,
HE'S UNDENIABLY CUTE PLEASE!
:x

`x estee x`

Interviews and Good company!

Home, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Well, today's interview at SP was awesome while yesterday's interview at TP seemed like a joke.

So yesterday, I woke up bright and early to warm up my voice and make sure that my throat was clear. Then I proceeded on to shower and get ready to meet Iris and Shaun at TP's main bus stop. We walked around and saw Myron at the Concourse. He's really thin! O:
Right, so we then proceeded on to Temasek Arts Centre and a few minutes later Cynthia made her way to us.
She then brought us in to the Waiting Room and we sang songs to warm up our voices.

We met Xiu Lin, an uber cool Alto, as said by Iris and Shaun!
When it was my turn to audit after Shaun, I made my way to the Audition Room.
Ho god, trust me. When I say the conductor is young, (and pretty cute!) he really is! :D
So he played some notes and tested me on beating and then I sang 'Angels We Have Heard on High'.

I swear I screwed the whole thing up somehow.
Jordan, the VP of TPChoir on the other hand, told me He could sense I was really nervous, but still I sang really well.
I supposed he was just trying to calm me down and manipulate me in thinking that I didn't really sing that bad afterall.
Well, yes that's pretty much how the auditions went.
OH, I GOTTA SAY THIS!
After my audition, when I went back to the Waiting Room, I knocked my hip bone on the door, OUCH!?!?!

Well, as for the Design School Interview, I pretty much have nothing to say.
I waited 5 hours for a 4-min Interview.
Hahahaha, I honestly don't know if it's a bad thing, but oh well!
I kind of love SP more anyway! =x

Yes, and for today's interview at SP, oh my god.
Trust me - I have no idea why SP's VCDM is 14pt while TP's VC is 12pt.
SP required us to go through an Aptitude Test which involved a 1hr 15mins drawing test.
The test was awesomely cool I swear, but I definitely screwed it up.
But nonethenless, I had fun with Wei Ting, Gwen and Bryan Ng! :D

After the whole interview, we headed to FC5 to eat Pizza Hut!
Wei Ting and Bryan Ng accompanied me to slack at Moberly after Gwen left for her lessons.
Seriously, I have no idea why I know so many of the 5A people after O's. Hahaha, but realised they're really awesome people! HEE! :D

Yup, SPGG after that with Jerome, Lee Hao, Cheng Hua and Jason!
Halfway through I realised I forgot to hand in my CCA cert to the Student Service Centre, so dear SB accompanied me to FC3 to photocopy then to SSC. Thank you, I know you're reading this! =)

Dined at Raffles Place Golden Shoe Complex with Bro, Lee and CH while Jason headed home! Wanton Mee - awesome! :D
Walked home with Bro after that! =)

Ah, I want to go supper tomorrow!!! Mummy please? :( (Ok, like as if she'd ever get to read this?!)

`x estee x`

Random posts.

Choir auditions at TP later, tentative interview at TP's Design school later!

-

Good luck to manga boy by the way for his date later! d:

-

Oh, SB fell sick le! o:

-

Iris is the love~! Angels we have heard on high~!

-

I really need to get cracking to take those photos..!

`x estee x`

New Found ...?

Oh my geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I kept smiling to my phone whenever you reply!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOPS!
Oh well, I think...

`x estee x`

W980

Baby, please come back to me. :'/

`x estee x`

Beyond comprehension.

I can't comprehend what's on my mind now.
I'm having this really mixed feelings.
It's like as if he just...left me.

I don't get it, why's there replicas of more than one?
It's like I'm thinking of two..

`x estee x`

Dupe

Dupe, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

OH I FORGOT TO BLOG ABOUT THIS!!
I'VE GOT MY HAVAIANASDUPE FLIP FLOP! :D
IT'S PURPLEEEEE, I LIKE THAT SHADE OF PURPLE!
HEE, LOVE YA JEROMEKHOJINGXIONG~!

A Million Thanks. <3

It's been like a really long time since I had so much fun within a day!
Thank you Brother, Lee Hao, Kelvin, Cheng Hua, Winnie, Arif, Jason, May Ling, Boon Kiat, Farhan! :)

And I'm really thankful for everyone's support throughout these few days,
I know I couldn't have gone through these few days without everyone's support, encouragement and love! :)

Thank you you! :)

`x estee x`

Verdict.

4Bs, 3Cs.

`x estee x`

I Miss You.

`x estee x`

13 hours and so on..

Well, I hope and pray hard that everything would be alright.
Yes, it would.

No matter what, I know I did my best.

`x estee x`

A stupid rock.

9 January 2010.
Surely I wouldn't forget this date for the rest of this year?

I never knew hating someone would be this difficult.
Maybe you should really just go away, and never come back..
I'm sorry.
But the prank has really strained this whole friendship.

Secret society police? Blow up? Two minutes?

Thanks for the taunted moment.

`x estee x`

EE,EE <3

Oh, Did I ever mention how much I love my EE,EE?

They give me a sense of security and assurance of your presence, in a way, somehow or rather.
Self-denial, maybe?

How pathetic..

`x estee x`

Debbie's Seventeenth.

Lunch at Fish and Co. was awesome with the people! (:
Debbie, hoped you enjoy today!
SP open house again today, this time discovered more about Digital Animation and Design courses.
Well, TP open house tomorrow.
Yep, that's all I suppose.
Two more days to Result Day, good luck!

`x estee x`

Step Up Two.

Best dance movie ever that accompanied me through the last two hours.

`x estee x`

Today is "Let Your Tears Flow Day".

:'/ Ahhh shit.. The tears just won't stop flowing..
It all started with me being a Smart Alec to watch another emotional movie..

-

Red was crying, Green is crying, I'm crying, yet I can't do anything to help then but just being here for them.
Orange.. :'/

-

I know this time is not a kind of relationship that I would say:
"Oh my god, I can't believe I used to cry and do stupid stuffs because of you!"
Boy, If if you really did love me, tell me why aren't you doing anything to show that you did.
I never doubted, but every day I try to think I'm moving on, I can move on, I am moving on...
But at the end of every day, I'd spend hours thinking of you, me, us.

There were nights whereby I'd hate you, curse you and then sleep only after being in bed for a couple of hours.
There were nights whereby I'd think of the happy things that we went through together, the silly things that we did for each other that made each other's day and sleep with a wide smile on my face.
There were nights whereby I'd scroll down my Inbox and Saved messages, weep like a child and hug ee,ee to sleep..dirtying them with my tears.
There were nights whereby I'd press the play button on my phone with a playlist named for you, listen to the songs that brought us happiness, laughter, memories and most importantly, together, then sleep till the next morning with the music still playing.
Then there were nights whereby I'd reminisce moments spent with you at the back of my mind; HSM3, 'Popcorn', The park, V'day, The Bus Stop, etc, and end up dreaming deeper in my dreams.

I've had enough of telling myself I'd stop thinking about you, because I just can't do it.

`x estee x`

Starry starry night.

Star light, star bright, I wish I may, I wish I might,
to see the stars with you tonight..

`x estee x`

I don't know where to go from here..

So.. It's been a while since we conversed.
And my last message to you was maybe a lil' harsh..
But it just made me reflect,
why am I doing this all over again?

"And it all starts again, in the end...
But it's such a scary place to be,
everything's in between.
I don't know where to go from here.."

I just refused to believe it's the end.
I'm sorry for being stubborn.
I know I'm making the people that care for me even more worried,
but I'm fine.
It's just a fate that I can't accept for now..

I once told him, "I would not believe a single thing unless there is evidence or witnesses..Because I trust him, I really do."

And that sentence remains in my honour,
just that he can't sense it..
Ya, you're all right.. I'm a fool, he's not worth it, just give up!

If it's ever that easy, tell me why do girls even shed a single tear over guys?

`x estee x`

Alvin & The Chipmunks Two!

I think I'm satisfied enough with this present blogskin! :D
After all, I really did lose touch with Blogger for a few months..!
Anyway, there's so much to blog about!

Bernice and Debbie both texted me that O'level results would be out on 11 Jan 2010, Monday!
My worst nightmare is about to start!
Have been feeling this really 'lost' feeling..
Results is going to be out on MONDAY! :/
I'm pretty...scared now.

Ok, I think I should move on to something less stressful!
Well, some people can really understand my stress though, so there isn't any need to say much!
Right, so I headed out with Kathy at around 12 plus for lunch at Tampines Mall's Kopitiam.
Yes, I finally got to eat my Taiwanese cuisine!
Simply love that black pot noodles with the fried fish fillet or something! :D
I highly recommend you people out there!
It's just priced at amazingly $4!!!

Oh, so we train down to Somerset to meet Amirah, Andrew, Si Jia and Si min for
ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS TWOOOOOOO! :D
It was totally A.W.E.S.O.M.E!
Theodore and Eleanor are super cute lah!
Rating: 9/10! :D

Oh oh Kathy has this really new awesome super duper cool camera!
Hahaha, her camera/psp camera are always deemed as my new toy!
I'm interested in photography what!
But not as much as design...
that's why there's Visual Communications in TP...
oh okay okay, not gonna get anywhere there!

Right, I'm happy I bought Debbie's present! :D
Happy belated birthday Debbie & Mdm Tan!

Train back home with Kathy and ate subway for dinner!
Then home and tv-ed, bathed and have been using the lappy ever since 11plus!
Continued on with Spiderman 3 - Speechless! O:

"An excellent movie to me is one that captures the heart of the viewer and touches the heartstrings. I cried - For that, Spiderman 3 is deemed successful."

`x estee x`

Hello 2010!

Hello people! Yes I'm back to blogging! :)
ANYWAY! PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR AND TAG YOUR LINK CAUSE I LOST ALL OF MY LINKS! :(
The start of 2010 has been a really great start at Bryan's house! All details and photos on FB! :)

Worked at Marina Square outlet yesterday and it was awesome! :D
Gonna stop work for 3 weeks due to Poly/JC's open house, Results and School admission matters!
Oh mamamamamama, I have lots and lots of new year resolution!
But let me just settle my lunch first!
Rawr, a hungry woman is an angry woman! d:

`x estee x`