I lack the motivation to come in blogger and blog about my happenings already. Cause it doesn't feel right at all. Now that I've got twitter, I find it easier to connect my thoughts with just sentences instead of paragraphs. Lately, so many sad incidents are happening to my close ones. I can't help but feel, affected too. But, I don't want it to be a problem for me. I'm not seeing it as a problem now, but I hope I don't in the future.
In Jakarta, one of the many long-hours ride made me ponder and think - Life's too short to have regrets. I thought of someone. Then another face appeared. And another, and another..
Right, I used to stubbornly insist that Estee Kho doesn't regret. But in actual fact, who doesn't? Don't blame a Gemini for her stubbornness, cause it's just it. Somehow, I couldn't swallow the fact that I've been living for 17 years. How the 17 years just went by like that, How much did I go through during this 17 years, How much ups have I felt rather than down and vice versa, etc.
I'm an aunt now. I've got nieces and nephews now. I'm 17 with a mind of my own and I have to choose my own direction I wish to head, with who I want, with what my goals are, etc.
I want to go back to my childhood so much, I want to have a child so much too. I just want the past and future, but not the present. It's a wonder why people say the present of my life now is the best, when everything seems to be a dead end with problems falling on me like a pile of bricks. It hurts. Then again, my resistance makes me feel, good. I don't wanna crumble under that pile of rocks. I don't want to succumb to fate. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to be happy. But, how?
`x estee x`
No comments:
Post a Comment