Deep & Meaningless.

I, I dont know why i miss you so much
Yeah I, I dont know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the question why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
Ill say that Im fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
Its just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it
hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn thats sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just cant leave behind me

`x estee x`

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

Do you know how much this feeling sucks? To know that everything was just a f*ing misunderstanding and yet the string of hurtful words still came out? Maybe at times I do say the wrong stuffs, and perhaps affected you, your face, your ego. But I already insisted that your claim was a misunderstanding. Matter-of-factly, he admitted that it was a wrong on his part for misinterpreting it wrongly. So this is it? You'd rather trust others than your own blood.
Fuck it.

-

I've a friend whom was married. He used to guide me a lot and drill me E Math for hours. During those period, we'd then digress a lil' and talk about our lives. He'd tell me about his relationship with his wife. From what the content was, it seemed that they weren't in a blissful marriage. Instead, he said some stuffs hinting that the marriage was rather broken. At that point of time, I thought he was just joking about it and not mean what he say. But today, I realised there's a possibility that he had already divorced with his wife and moved on. It dawned on me that he wasn't joking at that point of time. And now, we haven't been in contact for a few months. I really wonder how's he doing. I am such a failure as a friend. Sorry, friend.

`x estee x`

CNY'10

Yes yes I know! It's been a really long time since I last pen down my daily happenings, awesome CNY and my eventful life! :)

13th The Reunion Dinner

So 13th was Happy Reunion Dinner on the CNY Eve! Woke up in the morning and headed to Harbourfront to fetch Daddy! Daddy looked much older and frail :( Well, obviously that has to be it. We're all growing older each day. But sometimes, I just wish I can grow older to become much more mature and sensible while my parents are still as young as they were when I was 1. It's rather heartbreaking to see your love ones growing older and weaker yet there's nothing you can do. Honestly, I feel that Daddy's decision to reside in Indonesia has made me learn to treasure what I have. I used to complain and kinda disliked the state my family was in, with maybe never-ending quarrels here and there. Then the usual two, whereby me and my sister or me and my brother or my brother and sister. Growing up has made me learn to not take sides or whatever and really just break the two up. I guess everyone is just tired of emerging that sense of satisfaction you get from winning a quarrel? Right, and so I feel I really treasured that night's dinner a lot. It's really whereby the only day everyone would sit down for a good meal and crack jokes here and there. And so, I realised I do treasure every meal I have with my family - The ones outside and inside.

CNY'10 - Year of the Tiger

This year CNY can be counted as a very memorable year indeed. Though not much time was not spent on shopping for my clothes, I ended up with more than I needed! I failed to wear my pretty pretty black prom dress. But I know there will still be a time for me to wear it. Grandma's 80th Birthday. :) The food throughout the three days were awesome to the max! And this year, we had a different plan from the previous years. Usually, the first two days will be spent at Grandma's/大舅舅's place, but this year's second day was spent at my humble abode!

Haa, come to think of it, I was pretty mad at the guests for arriving at an ungodly hour of 5pm when I woke up bright and early to await for everyone's arrival! And so my whole second day was wasted! :(

But first thing first, as usual we prepared to get ready to 二姑姑's house for lunch. Oh! Have I ever mentioned? My CNY every year would definitely have one bottle of Chocolate-coated Almond tart from 二姑姑! Those tart are the best! Moving on, of course Rendang, Curry Chicken, etc. was served! Yum Yum!

This year was a lil' special though, we didn't really hang out much at 二姑姑's house this time and moved on to Daddy's side relatives like 老姑! Visiting warms my heart, cause we only get to see the people once in a year, and so I think it's really nice to see everyone spending their new year happily! 2009 may be good or bad for some, but to me it's been filled with many significant events. And sure do, regrets were felt, disappointments were heartbreaking, joys were shared, happiness were experienced. It's all part and parcel of our lives. I've learnt to accept my fate, all set to start a brand new year in my brand new school. We don't always get what we want, so whatever it is, treasure what we get to have. And so, I'll tell myself to love TP. I know I will! :)


And yes, as the saying goes: A picture paints a thousand words.
That's pretty much about it for now. I'll update more about the rest of the days soon!
Gym with Kathy and Percy Jackson with mynewawesomehangingouts tomorrow!
Ben&Jerry's on Friday? Dunman's Care&Share on Saturday!

P.S: I love my family, cousins, friends, and everyone that loves me! :)

`x estee x`

LOVE LOVE!

I totally adore my current playlist! :)

-

OH MY GOSH, THIS BLOGSHOP'S DRESSES ARE ALL REALLY PRETTAYEEE! I WANT SO MANY OF THE DRESSES! :(

http://bonitochico.livejournal.com/

`x estee x`

This and that, that and this...

Right yes, Imma TP Design Student.
Getting a Diploma in Moving Images.
As promised, I'd work hard and persevere on.
TP would be fine, it's really not that bad..!

-

It's never easy to decipher what's been going through your mind.
Then again, I never know whether I'm the one or maybe just some other people..
But it gets so freaky till the point of me getting all so sensitive,
and yet again it gets shrug aside?
Sigh, It's never easy being a teenager I suppose.
Why's everyone facing so many problems?
I want to be there for them.
I don't want anyone to be here for me.
But then again, it's never easy to trust someone isn't it?
So who am I to say that you can always count on me to be here for you?

-

Hey MB, I know at some point of our lives we would feel really lost.
I suppose you are too.
But hey, everyone need you to be there, so please get a hold on yourself and be there for them yeah?
I believe in you, so believe your ability!

-

Hopefully everything would go well..
I'm just beginning to let go of some of the many loved ones..
It's never easy, but then again it's inevitable right?

`x estee x`

Girlfriend?

Is it so difficult to find a girlfriend that you can pour everything out to?
I thought I found one, but then again... is it mutual?
Is everything just a lie, a facade?
I seek solace in myself.

`x estee x`

Baby W980, You.

I swear I still feel like crying when I see a W980 out there.. :'/

-

Why do I feel like there's just something wrong betweeen us? I really don't know at all. It's like as if we're drifting and you saying a thing hurts so much. The words that comes out would be filled with thorns cutting through me. Why am I getting so sensitive towards the way you feel might have a relation to me?

I'm starting to be afraid. :'/

`x estee x`

Hello!

SAY HELLO TO ADULT FARE FOR EZ-LINK!
OH MAN, THERE GOES MY MONEY~! :(

`x estee x`

A Family of Four.

I came across a family of four this afternoon while I was on my way to work. As they entered, the lady walked towards nearer to her daughters while the guy stood there in the middle of that cabin. The lady's face portrayed an irritated face and asked the guy to go over. He just stood there. The lady look really decent. The guy's arm and leg was tattooed. It got me wondering:

-How does the guy treat his wife?
-How does the guy treat his daughters?
-Is he a smoker?
-Is he a habitual gambler?
-Is he with a stable job?
-Is his family happy together?

I then sat down on the floor and snapped into my doubts..

`x estee x`

Appeal.

Your application was submitted successfully on 27 Jan 2010 10:58 PM.

Thank you for submitting an application to apply for course(s) under the JAE Appeal. Please click on the button below and retain a copy of the application summary as proof of your course application.

EMAIL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF APPLICATION

You will receive an email acknowledgement of your application shortly.
Please note that you will be allowed to amend or withdraw your application throughout the application period. However, you will need to duly complete and submit your application by 29 Jan 2010, 4pm.

RELEASE OF JAE APPEAL POSTING RESULTS
The results of your application will be released through this portal from 05 Feb 2010 02:00 PM to 06 Mar 2010 05:00 PM. Please access this portal to check on the outcome of your application then.

`x estee x`

You and Him, Him and You.

Why did I tell him about you?
Why did I tell you about him?

I've made a choice, haven't I?

`x estee x`

Intention.

It was never my intention to make you feel sad, vexed, angry.
It was never my intention to bring him up in our conversation.
It was never my intention to think that I'd cry for you, again...

You always leave me crying all by myself, is this your way of saying you loved me?

`x estee x`

Stand Alone

Solitary, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Still looking for the right answer.

I removed, but today I placed it back right where it has been for more than a year. Conclusion? I have yet to comprehend. I'm getting really tired and all I want is to look for an answer. It's just not the same without you, yet I don't understand what's the decision.

`x estee x`

The Longest Story.

Already Gone, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Someone tell me why am I facing the most complicated part of my life?

It is just exactly the point of time when I decided that this should be the end of me and you. I should just stop asking you to give me an answer of our state today. I should just give up and move on. I should stop reminiscing about us since my W980 was lost.

But all of a sudden you surprise me with a change - Do and say some things that I never thought you would, taking much more initiative than you used to, at least letting me feel that you actually do care.

It's been tough and tiring, to go through times without you there with me. In the end, I pulled through. I made a choice. I know I have to. In between, it got to the point that made me even more confused about everything. It seemed like I was slowly opening up to him. I allowed myself to grow fonder of him each time we meet. I don't want to screw up another person's life. But then again I can't help feeling this way.

I loved you, I missed you, I needed you to be here with me, I wanted to spend every minute, every second of my life with you.
Now? I completely don't know how to even answer any of the above question.

Ok, this song is getting too addictive and making me too emotional. Bye.

It's been really long since someone last hold my hand. It's sweet, really..

`x estee x`

Single - Yes, No?

Ok, I seem to forget like I'm single but unavailable!
Am I or am I not?
But oh well,
HE'S UNDENIABLY CUTE PLEASE!
:x

`x estee x`

Interviews and Good company!

Home, originally uploaded by Tinybitsoflove.

Well, today's interview at SP was awesome while yesterday's interview at TP seemed like a joke.

So yesterday, I woke up bright and early to warm up my voice and make sure that my throat was clear. Then I proceeded on to shower and get ready to meet Iris and Shaun at TP's main bus stop. We walked around and saw Myron at the Concourse. He's really thin! O:
Right, so we then proceeded on to Temasek Arts Centre and a few minutes later Cynthia made her way to us.
She then brought us in to the Waiting Room and we sang songs to warm up our voices.

We met Xiu Lin, an uber cool Alto, as said by Iris and Shaun!
When it was my turn to audit after Shaun, I made my way to the Audition Room.
Ho god, trust me. When I say the conductor is young, (and pretty cute!) he really is! :D
So he played some notes and tested me on beating and then I sang 'Angels We Have Heard on High'.

I swear I screwed the whole thing up somehow.
Jordan, the VP of TPChoir on the other hand, told me He could sense I was really nervous, but still I sang really well.
I supposed he was just trying to calm me down and manipulate me in thinking that I didn't really sing that bad afterall.
Well, yes that's pretty much how the auditions went.
OH, I GOTTA SAY THIS!
After my audition, when I went back to the Waiting Room, I knocked my hip bone on the door, OUCH!?!?!

Well, as for the Design School Interview, I pretty much have nothing to say.
I waited 5 hours for a 4-min Interview.
Hahahaha, I honestly don't know if it's a bad thing, but oh well!
I kind of love SP more anyway! =x

Yes, and for today's interview at SP, oh my god.
Trust me - I have no idea why SP's VCDM is 14pt while TP's VC is 12pt.
SP required us to go through an Aptitude Test which involved a 1hr 15mins drawing test.
The test was awesomely cool I swear, but I definitely screwed it up.
But nonethenless, I had fun with Wei Ting, Gwen and Bryan Ng! :D

After the whole interview, we headed to FC5 to eat Pizza Hut!
Wei Ting and Bryan Ng accompanied me to slack at Moberly after Gwen left for her lessons.
Seriously, I have no idea why I know so many of the 5A people after O's. Hahaha, but realised they're really awesome people! HEE! :D

Yup, SPGG after that with Jerome, Lee Hao, Cheng Hua and Jason!
Halfway through I realised I forgot to hand in my CCA cert to the Student Service Centre, so dear SB accompanied me to FC3 to photocopy then to SSC. Thank you, I know you're reading this! =)

Dined at Raffles Place Golden Shoe Complex with Bro, Lee and CH while Jason headed home! Wanton Mee - awesome! :D
Walked home with Bro after that! =)

Ah, I want to go supper tomorrow!!! Mummy please? :( (Ok, like as if she'd ever get to read this?!)

`x estee x`

Random posts.

Choir auditions at TP later, tentative interview at TP's Design school later!

-

Good luck to manga boy by the way for his date later! d:

-

Oh, SB fell sick le! o:

-

Iris is the love~! Angels we have heard on high~!

-

I really need to get cracking to take those photos..!

`x estee x`

New Found ...?

Oh my geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I kept smiling to my phone whenever you reply!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOPS!
Oh well, I think...

`x estee x`

W980

Baby, please come back to me. :'/

`x estee x`

Beyond comprehension.

I can't comprehend what's on my mind now.
I'm having this really mixed feelings.
It's like as if he just...left me.

I don't get it, why's there replicas of more than one?
It's like I'm thinking of two..

`x estee x`