Sunday, August 22, 2010

It's so fast that a month has past since I started my new temporary job at Harbourfront! It just felt as if I was going to start work tomorrow! The people there are nice, it was as usual tough coping at the start.. Never knew why it always happens with all the crying and fear within me. What a joke right, never knew that Estee's like this. Sometimes, it's tough to put up a tough front. But oh well, :)

Headed to the temple at Bedok today to pay respects to Gong gong. :) Lunch was at Changi V's Ubin afterthat! Mama's treat, and wow at the price man. But lunch was great nonetheless. Thank you Mama :)

And hi I miss you, dumbass. Studying should be fun tomorrow. :D

`x estee x`

Friday, July 30, 2010

More than words to show I feel.

Before this special day ends, I'd like to say dedicate this post to my precious girlfriends.

Christy - 3 Years Friendship Anniversary


Dear Christy,

Thanks for being the best angel ever for three years and counting... There's no amount of Thank Yous I can say cause it'll take my whole lifetime. Thanks for appearing in my life and take care of me all this time, listening to my sorrows and happiness and withstand my weakness and imperfections to build up this friendship make it such a special one. It hasn't been a smooth three years for us, of course. Every friendships has their ups and down, but without your persistent and belief in me, we wouldn't have come this far. It's fate that brought us together three years back, now it's destiny that we would still be friends for years to come. And I'm confident, though you're SP girl and I'm TP girl, our friendship will still last for many years to come till death do us part. :)

Yours Sincerely,
Estee


Dear Delia, Kathy, Wai Yan,

Though we've known each other at different timings, but I sincerely thank god for you girls as my girlfriends. Indeed, as what Delia said, It was never easy to sustain this friendship. We have our differences in views of different matters, but still these differences complemented each and our strengths and weaknesses. It's been a month since we pledged as 'The Four Bs' at Century Square's Popeye's. And come one month after, we celebrated our pledge together despite our busy schedule. It's really heartwarming to know that we are able to come this far together, being there for each other. Recently, lots happened. Quarrels, misunderstandings, bitchings, hatred, etc. But still, we overcame this obstacle and pulled through to bring a new start for this friendship. No one is irreplacable. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt any of you with my words, and sorry for being so dumb. :( I can't help it! But nonetheless, it's our imperfections that bring our friendship to a higher level of mutual understanding and love for each other.

There's really nothing more that I can express through these words, but earnestly, I would keep all the memories we had together, precious ones. Once again, with more than words can say,

I love you girls, my bimbos/babes! xoxo'

Yours Sincerely,

Estee B. Kho

`x estee x`

Friday, July 16, 2010

I'm stuck in this life I didn't ask for.

Tell me when do you all ever spare a thought for me? Tell me who will always be the one giving in? Tell me why must I always try to think for you all and not the other way? Tell me why should I not be feeling miserable with such a life. Tell me why am I not dead.

`x estee x`

Monday, July 12, 2010

And I say goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knew.

I finally understand why... And know what? I'm happy for you for because it's the wisest decision you've ever made. I won't forget all that has happened between us, but I'd just keep it and not look back. I've never been looking back ever since I've got him. I moved on first, you moved on too. So, we're presently happily with someone we love now. I will cross my road, you will cross yours. This is the end and I wish you both all the best. Do give me your blessings too yeah? :)

And yes, at least I came to realise how much I did not matter to you afterall. Thanks!

`x estee x`

Saturday, July 10, 2010

This feeling I'm feeling is something I never know.

The feeling of earning my own buck again is simply awesome! School's been really... slack this block I guess. Creative storytelling. I'd say it's not a very interesting module but it's definitely one that can overkill your brain cells for coming up with a story. Right, assignment two is tedious. And considering the fact that I spent my day today working and tomorrow Sentosa. That means I've only Sunday to work on it whole-heartedly.

Oh, I was brainstorming on the train just now. It's funny how I just took out my foolscap pad and pen and started working on my layout for assignment two so that I'll be able to focus more on the writing on Sunday. Ha! Talk about treating it as my own home.

Wed's dinner with B's were super hilarious! Met up with Kathy and Delia after class and headed to Tampines Central to walk around first. We had several stuffs to get. Ultimately, Kathy's Salsa heels were priority! Oh, no! My socks were of a necessity! Now the back of my feets have really awful abrasions. :( It sucks when your skin tears! Pain to the max! :(

But ya as I was saying, it was so hilarious with the B's! Wy joined us after her class! Delia bought a pair of boots from Mondo at an unreasonably cheap price! Her smile was priceless! I swear De's smile always brings joy to me! It's just so nice to see her smile! :)

Our dinner was chapalans from various basements of malls. Tori-Q was our main course. De and I shared Sushi too! Kathy and Wy bought their own sushi sets! Omg, joke ttm man! We ate on the bench like it's our house! Practically moved the bench here and there! Hahahah!
Alright, mum's nagging at me to hand over the comp now! Nights! :)

`x estee x`

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

All about Gemini!

Zodiac Signs - Gemini
Gemini Astrology May 21 - June20

Gemini Strength Keywords:

- Energetic
- Clever
- Imaginative
- Witty
- Adaptable
Gemini Weakness Keywords:

- Superficial
- Impulsive
- Restless
- Devious
- Indecisive
Gemini and Independence:

Gemini are extremely independent. They will not be pinned down by anyone or any rules. They need to experience the world on their own. Change and freedom are extremely important to Gemini, they will never let anyone dictate them, they are extremely independent and freedom is essential to their mental well being.


Gemini and Friendship:

Gemini make very interesting and exciting friends. They like to leave their mark on everyone they meet. They are very flighty and will disappear for a long time as they meet new friends and explore new places. But when they come back, they will have new thoughts, opinions and interesting things to share and ideas to teach. Life is very interesting and fun with a Gemini friend. If you need any advice, Gemini is the one to ask. They are masters of communication and they can help you get what you need by helping you with persuasion and enthusiasm, and they give good advice too. Do not however, bog a Gemini down with all of your emotional problems, they are not want to deal with it because it depresses them and steps on their freedom if you need too much long term help, support and follow up. A Gemini friend can fill you in with the latest gossip and if you love conversation, the Gemini delivers! They are very generous with their friends, they will spend lots of time with you and share everything with you. Even though Gemini is a social butterfly, they always need time for themselves and that should be respected.
Gemini and Business:

Gemini tends to disperse their energy on different tasks and not just focus on one thing thus leaving a trail of unfinished projects in their wake. If they were to focus their energy in one place, their cleverness and intelligence would allow them to complete their project with success and creativity. Gemini makes an excellent manager, they can motivate a team with their enthusiasm and vitality. They also make excellent salespeople because their ease of communication allows them to be clever and make a comeback to anything a person says. They can persuade and manipulate very well. They can easily justify any move they make and explain any action.
Gemini Temperament:

Gemini have the ability to react instantly to situations, and as a result, they have a very nervous temperament. They can be compared to a wound up spring as they attempt to absorb everything they can about their surroundings at once. The fact that they enjoy various situations and people add to their nervousness and that means they are almost constantly wound up. However, if they experience boredom and have nothing to survey, they get the same emotions, the need for excitement and variety. This is the Gemini duality, constantly conflicting emotions in one spontaneous, excitable package.
Gemini Deep Inside:

One downfall of Gemini is their superficiality. Instead of looking deep into a person's real qualities, Gemini will judge a person by the way they treat them. This can lead Gemini to have wrong impressions of people and can cause problems ion relationships. Gemini's can have feeling of discouragement and moodiness although they never allow this to be seen by anyone but heir closest friends or family. Gemini usually want everyone to think that they are always happy and doing wonderfully and stress never affects them.
Gemini in a Nutshell:

Gemini people are many sided, quick both in the mind and physically. They are brimming with energy and vitality, they are clever with words. They are intelligent and very adaptable to every situation and every person. Gemini are curious and always want to know what's going on in the world around them. They are not one to sit back and watch the world go by, they want to be involved. This can sometimes make Gemini nosy, they do not mind their own business! This is because they really enjoy communicating, more so then most other astrology signs, they are the ultimate social butterfly. Gemini can talk and talk, but they have interesting things to say, their talk is not mindless babble. They have interesting opinions and thoughts on things and are not afraid to speak their mind. They are always in the know and are the one to see for the latest juicy gossip. Lacking perseverance, Gemini easily goes off topic to explore another thought or idea. Gemini are superficial, they will form opinions on matter without diving into them and exploring them fully. This can lead them into thinking they know everything, which they usually do but their mind is too busy to be concerned with fine details. Routine and boredom are Gemini's biggest fears. Gemini would rather be naive then know the depressing truth, they do not want anything putting a damper on their freedom or positive energy.



Gemini Love, Sex and Relationships

What it's like to date a Gemini Woman:

The Gemini woman is truly enchanting. However, dating her might feel more like a friendship then a real relationship due to her casual nature. This is not necessarily a disadvantage, for the casual man who shy's away from overly romantic emotions, she is the perfect woman. Since she is the astrology sign of the duality, she offers quite the challenge. One one hand, she needs to be nurtured, loved and catered to and on the other hand, she needs stimulation and novelty. She is very demanding and if you do not provide what she wants, she will be off onto the next adventure pretty quickly. To keep her interested is a challenge, not completely impossible so she is the perfect woman for the man who likes stimulation and a challenge. She needs a partner with a quick mind, she tends to poke and prod at the emotions and the minds of those who are mentally slower then her, make sure you can keep up to her wit or you will briskly be left behind. She is prone to keeping men on a string, not completely heartlessly, she is evaluating if the man is worth her attention and her time she has no time to waste with a dull man. Once you have her approval, she can easily become jealous. The reason for her is jealousy is that if she is going to open up to a man, when she rarely completely opens up to anyone, she does not want to risk her being deceived or hurt. If you are with a Gemini woman and she becomes jealous, you are on the right track to true love! Gemini women are so exciting that they are worth the effort, you will remember her forever!
What it's like to date a Gemini Man:

He is a great date - charming, witty, funny, clever, talkative, creative, adventurous, just make sure you can keep up with him! Women are drawn to Gemini men because of their zest for life and their vitality and enthusiasm. You may have competition to if you are trying to win his heart. Do not expect to win him and keep him all to yourself. He is flighty and dictates his own,. He will not allow himself to be pinned down and ruled by a woman. You are going to be his sidekick, not his passionate lover. He loves women and is very good at persuading them and manipulating them with his cleverness getting them into bed, he will say anything to get what he wants. He is the master of seduction. If you are looking for a great fling, the gemini man is your top choice.

How To Attract Gemini:

Love to talk, that is the first rule about impressing a Gemini. Be knowledgeable about that you talk about too because Gemini are intelligent and have lots of knowledge about many things. If you are an expert on a certain topic, teach them about it, you will impress them because this know-it-all sign is does not usually know fine details about a lot of things, they are too busy to bother to learn. Speak your mind, engage them in a friendly debate but never be too conservative, they find this dull. Be honest and loyal to a Gemini, once they have had their trust broken they usually will never get it back again. Gemini are easy to date, they will do any activity anywhere. Just have fun, like you would with a friends because that's what Gemini are, a great friend.

Gemini Erogenous Zone:

Gemini's hot spots are the hands and arms. These are very sensitive regions and are very receptive a massage and a gentle touch or stroke. This also calms the high-strung Gemini and relaxes them, setting the mood for passion. Gemini's usually love their finger being sucked or nibbled, a great integration into foreplay that will heighten the mood. Gemini women love it when a man grabs their hand and kisses it, like a princess.

Sex With Gemini:

Gemini loves to experiment and sex with a Gemini is full of novelty and excitement, trying anything and everything nearly anywhere. Gemini is not for the faint of heart or the shy and secretive lovers!

`x estee x`

Monday, June 28, 2010

I'm so over being blue crying over you.

I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know!

You said the same thing too you know.
But never once, out loud.

`x estee x`

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all.

Back from Jakarta and there's so much to say! But I am thinking, blogging isn't gonna be easy. So I'll just keep the memories within my heart and mind. :)

I lack the motivation to come in blogger and blog about my happenings already. Cause it doesn't feel right at all. Now that I've got twitter, I find it easier to connect my thoughts with just sentences instead of paragraphs. Lately, so many sad incidents are happening to my close ones. I can't help but feel, affected too. But, I don't want it to be a problem for me. I'm not seeing it as a problem now, but I hope I don't in the future.

In Jakarta, one of the many long-hours ride made me ponder and think - Life's too short to have regrets. I thought of someone. Then another face appeared. And another, and another..

Right, I used to stubbornly insist that Estee Kho doesn't regret. But in actual fact, who doesn't? Don't blame a Gemini for her stubbornness, cause it's just it. Somehow, I couldn't swallow the fact that I've been living for 17 years. How the 17 years just went by like that, How much did I go through during this 17 years, How much ups have I felt rather than down and vice versa, etc.

I'm an aunt now. I've got nieces and nephews now. I'm 17 with a mind of my own and I have to choose my own direction I wish to head, with who I want, with what my goals are, etc.

I want to go back to my childhood so much, I want to have a child so much too. I just want the past and future, but not the present. It's a wonder why people say the present of my life now is the best, when everything seems to be a dead end with problems falling on me like a pile of bricks. It hurts. Then again, my resistance makes me feel, good. I don't wanna crumble under that pile of rocks. I don't want to succumb to fate. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to be happy. But, how?

`x estee x`

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Tick, Tock, Tick.

Life is an irony,
Love is an agony.
Living is painful,
Loving is hurtful.
Look as it happened,
Leave as it dampens.
Learn to accept,
Lie to reject.
Level to your limits,
Listen to your minutes.

Tick, Tock, Tick.

`x estee x`

Friday, May 28, 2010

It's not that I don't want to, It's I don't even know how..

It's not that I don't want to, It's I don't even know how..
Now things have turned out this way, what am I even supposed to feel?

`x estee x`

And thank you for showing me, that girl friends cannot be trusted.

I think, I really think, you hurt me damn bad.
Friends? Girlfriends? Are you serious?
I supposed that night was a way of compensation?
And to think I felt so guilty for maybe joking a lil' too harsh that night.

I don't know man, I really don't.
What good will there be?
I can't believe you're such a person.
I don't know, I don't wanna know, I really don't know what to do anymore.
Why should I pretend that I don't care, when in actual fact I really do?

For all I know, you're constantly telling tales about me behind my back which are not even true and I'm still happily talking to you at your very face.

Know what girl? I am damn fucking sad, I am damn fucking hurt.

`x estee x`

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Seventeen!

I AM SEVENTEEN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! (:
LOTS TO UPDATE!

THANKS TO MANY MANY MANY PEOPLE FOR THE WISHES! :D

Will update more detailed soon!

`x estee x`

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased?



Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I am givin' up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you really have everything you want?
You can't ever give somethin' you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah
come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had all that I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?

`x estee x`

Saturday, May 15, 2010

F.love.

Fuck love.

`x estee x`

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.

Somehow or rather, I guess I can never forget 14 May..

Headed home after school then left house again at 8 to meet the lovely people for dinner.
Dinner was at Fish&Co. with David, Deborah, Desmond, Desmond's girl-friend (Jenelle?), Gordon, Priscilla and Titus.
It was meant to be a surprise birthday dinner for me.
Honestly, I didn't really expect cause there's still 8 days till my actual day.
But I'm really grateful for everything.
As usual, Pris treated me! :(
Cannot like that okay! Your birthday, my turn to treat youuu!

Oh, I guess I'm never gonna go Fish&Co. to celebrate my birthday again.
I was asked to stand on a chair and the waitresses shouted to the whole restaurant to sing a birthday song for me.
So much for the attention. :/
Me no likey attention. Especially when that scenario was bad enough.
But nonetheless, I'd still love to thank the lovely waitresses for the song. :)

Thank you all so much. It's indeed very memorable.
I can finally blog on mysilent-sayings after so long..

`x estee x`

Friday, May 14, 2010

An hour an a half.

This week's submission week!
So everyone in Design school is basically rushing through!
I am vey much used to it, yea so fast!

I've finally finished everything!
Unbelievable! But I'm very proud of myself! :)

Yay, Dinner tonight with Pris and the guys!
So long never see Pris already!
Right, tata! I shall prepare for school now!

`x estee x`

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Thirty-three hours.

The clock is ticking..

Time is running out.

I dread to see the outcome.


`x estee x`

Saturday, May 8, 2010

There can be miracles, when you believe.

I'm pretty much drained from the amount of work that is pending. Some of which are not even possible to be done now cause the camera has to be charged. I've been thinking of ideas for my FunDigPho's final assignment. I vividly remember I was pretty much the only one that went like 'YAY!' when I got my theme for the final assignment.

Name: Estee Kho Xiao Juan
Subject: Colors (with human touch)

Colors! I remember saying I love colors a lot somewhere here! And yes I really do! But taking a step back and analyzing further, it's not that easy to capture the essence of the theme. Colors! It's anywhere and everywhere! But how then, do I bring out the strength and message of the photo?

It's a challenge. It's my challenge.

I consulted Mathias yesterday and none of my photos couldn't be use to get a decent pass. I knew it. Even before I consulted him, I knew it. I was utterly disappointed with myself.
"Estee Kho, are you serious on showing these piece of crap? You know you're capable of doing better than that."

And indeed, Mathias directed that fact out.
"No.. We can't use any of that. Estee, I've seen your work. You're much capable than that. You're much more colorful than that. You have to see beyond the problem. Look at the solution and not the problem. Only then you're able to bring out your creativity. The solution is to think out of the box, being creative. And you definitely have that."

I finally understand why previous batches of Mathias broke down before him. Cause one thing for sure, I could have done so too yesterday. The words, the believe, the confidence Mathias have in us is insurmountable of what I felt lecturers would never have.

Stepping into poly life, we were all treated and respected as young responsible adults. And from what I observed, there isn't much connection a lecturer would have between students and themselves. I really do not want to let these people who believe in me down.

Think of the ordinary as the extraordinary.

`x estee x`

And till now, I've failed so badly.

It took me years to realise how the world is changing everyday. People move on from where they left the previous period. And for some, they can't seem to get out of their past and live each day with negative perceptions within the recesses of their heart. I am utterly disappointed with myself towards the needs of my friends.

Friends - They seem to be anywhere and everywhere. But how many? How many do I actually count as a friend whom I'll be most willing to share my problems with? And yet, how many am I actually able to let them rely on me to share their burdens and problems? I always say: "I'm always a call/sms away if you ever need someone to listen." "I'll be here whenever you need me." "Remember, don't keep everything to yourself. I'm always here." But honestly, am I really able to be there to keep up with my words and promises?

A very close friend of mine was telling me: "Why is this world so unfair? Why is everyone just thinking for themselves and not others? Why do we always have to give in to them?" I reflected and summed up: "In a friendship, it's like a game of Tug-o-War. Eventually, the loser will fall and the winner will be able to stay on form. Same goes for a friendship, one will naturally have to give in to the other to prevent hurt inflicted on both parties. Imagine none of us were to let the other, the consequences would have been both injuring themselves from the tension of the pull. It's tough to maintain a friendship with mutual understanding and concern, for everyone is different and unique in their own ways. There're always different perspectives to see a solution from a problem. But who then, will be able to judge that their perspective is indeed the right solution?

For now, I'm still learning to be a better friend.

And it's definite that I've failed so much as a friend, till now.

`x estee x`

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Ideation!

Oh Hi tinybitsoflove! It's been more than a month since I last blogged! School has started and well I've been packed with assignments non-stop! But I love my modules for this block! MOI is very much not what I expected - it's far better! Okay, at least for now school's been fun!

Right, should really go back to my ideation rationale now. Class's starting in another 45mins!

`x estee x`