Time in the parallel universe

Have you ever wonder what would life be like if you are able to control time? Time. It is one thing everyone is fighting against, reaching out for. We know deep down - Life is short. But yet at times we just let it pass by every second just like that. Everyone, and I mean everyone would have wasted at least one second of their life. One second someone could be struggling for survival at the borders between Mexico and the United States. Another second, a new-born baby is trying its very best to be getting out of his or her mother's womb. And another would star just a lonely soul looking at the sky aimlessly, deciding what should their next step be.

Has it been human nature for taking things for granted?

At times, I look at myself and I wonder... How's life gonna be after I graduate, step out of my diploma years. I planned many many roads for myself... too many that now I am at a total loss of what I want to achieve. It is now in this peace and serenity, a space of my own while everyone is sound asleep, that I find myself penning down these emotional thoughts here silently.

Fear. Definitely. FYP is something I should be constantly worried for now. It is the last phase of my poly year, and then I will be a free bird - or rather, a lost bird. The motivation to keep me going has been there indeed. But whenever a though distance me away from what I should be concentrating on, I find myself lost in the dark woods. However I seem to walk or run, I am just unable to reach out for the light.

I know I'm not alone. The love and warmth that my dearly beloved boy is giving has been unconditional and selfless. I am very contented and proud to have him by my side. Though for now he's going through his National Service with the Singapore Police Force at Home Team Academy... we would always try to make full use of that very limited time we have together. It's really no mean feat surviving and supporting this relationship for eight months. Well, I know some of you out there may think it's just eight months.. but these eight months felt like eight years to me, to us. And we know for sure, this road of uncertainty has its ups and downs, but what's a relationship with no challenge, right?

Ok, guess I am just too tired to stay on track of the contents I said.. I am one messed up girl indeed.

I probably just need some time to myself and really think of the future...

Love,

Estee

Mood

It's funny. Funny that how moods are able to change within a short period of time. Mood swings. Something so close and apparent when it comes to being me, and especially when the time of the month for a girl is approaching. At times, I asked myself if there would be one day I would lose it all and let the whole emotional thoughts take over me. I could really get to one extreme that I don't even recognize myself or comprehend what exactly I was doing. Words that hurt, actions that kills. It always happen. And ended up, I would be the one suffering from my own wreckage.

Losing myself, my personality, my mood.

I just wanna be alone for now...

Estee

A minute me

At times I really wondered if since young I would be able to learn the piano like every other kids, life would be almost near perfect. 

Each time, I place my palms on the keyboard I would try as much as possible to sync both of my hands. Practice, practice, practice. But no matter how, I just can't get my hands to work on it. 

Why oh why..? :/

Estee

Feel

I have no idea why I feel so much for both songs. Especially Happy Birthday...

Love,
Estee

Beautiful Saturday Morning

Surprise surprise, it's 0941hrs in the early morning on a Saturday and I am wide awake, in the studio alone, doing my work. Of course for now asI am typing this, I am taking a little break from drawing. This week's progress hasn't been as expected. Wednesday was one whole of a hell day for me. It was the craziest, most painful two hours of my life. No joke. And I still feel like a sinner for ordering my prawn bee hoon and not touch it at all. It's like before ordering, I was already in pain. But I just went ahead to order my food first. Then the next thing I know, I put down my tray and the worst pain moment of my life began.

I rushed straight to the toilet near Mensa. That's a really bad choice considering that the hygiene of the toilet wasn't that good. But the pain was beyond excruiciating that I had no other choice. I was stuck in the cubicle for about twenty minutes or so and it was really a mad, insane, crazy experience. I began to break out in cold sweat. It was literally like I was in labour. Ok, I wouldn't know how labour feels. But I know after this, I immediately told Baby I don't wanna give birth anymore and ask him to find another girl to give him babies. Haha! As usual his face is like "HUH?!" Lol, I bet I am the only crazy girlfriend that would ask her boyfriend to do that. :P

But anyway, I managed to get out of the shit I was in and walked out holding my stomach like I was assasinated at that area. But no, I was wrong. I rushed back in to the toilet and vomitted out some thick greenish milky white liquid. It was seriously HELL. I honestly thought I was gonna faint there and probably no one would ever find out until several hours later.. Near death experience? Ok, probably not.

So this time I really make my way back to Aaron, Syaz and Boss at Mensa 1. I see my prawn bee hoon and it made me feel like puking so I had to ask Aaron to get it out of my sight. The road back from Mensa to Design was like ten thousand miles for me. I just dropped at the floor just outside Mensa area and poor Syaz had to lift me up and support me back to Design. Back in Design school, I headed to the first level toilet again. This time it was the exact same experience that happened at Mensa's toilet. Syaz headed up to pass me the panadol to ease the pain. I honestly have no idea how I survived that day. I collapsed on the floor again, shivering and breaking out in cold sweat at the end of the stairs from level one to three's studio. Syaz asked Aaron to call Brian out and he was shocked to see me in such a frail state. He immediately piggy-backed me to the G.O and then the sick bay.

Sister had to pick me up while I was in the sick bay. I was really too weak to stay on in school any longer. I am really thankful for Syaz, Brian and the others who has helped me in one way or another. And of course my darling Baby who dotes on me like a pampered princess. I can't imagine what life would have been if not for you. Hearing my condition and that I was left alone at home after Sis had to go back to office, he immediately asked his boss if he could leave earlier and came straight to take care of me. At night when Mummy came back, they accompanied me to Dr.Tan and he diagnosed me as food poisoning(?). It's most probably something wrong that I ate but till now I have no idea what did I eat that made me like that. But nevertheless, all I know is that I had no appetite or anything even up to now. Porridge never tasted so nice to me that I don't mind eating plain porridge everyday with my favourite chye sim! Okay, I guess it's back to work time! Oh god, what have I been doing wasting my time again! :/

Love,

Estee

Ambiguity

It's always a wonder why my mood can swing so fast and badly.
There's so much going through my head, yet time is stopping me from sitting down and think about it. Where is everything leading to? 3

The road in front feels so ambiguous...

Dyspnea

Air hunger, they call it.

A normal symptom of heavy exertion but becomes pathological if it occurs in unexpected situations.

Headed up to the 5th level just now to get my bottle filled. As I looked down the railings, I felt like I was gonna fall anytime. The whole image was blurry and my heart skipped a beat now and then.

Back at the studio, I was sketching my storyboard thumbnails halfway when suddenly my hands started feeling numb. I find myself crossing my arms, hands clenching tightly.

Estee

Friends by Day, Friends by Night

I can only say the day really started off really badly. From past midnight all the way to the morning. It was in fact hell, and the fact that there's no one I can turn to to talk about it, hurts a lot. There's so much to think and understand, to go through and survive.. Why is it that the first half of 2012 has to be so cruel to me..? I am not okay. But then again, I can't express it out at all...

Attended Audi Fashion Fever in the noon with Kathy, Wai Yan and Baby. Have to really thank Kathy for letting me experience such an inspiring event to me. Fashion Design has always been a passion, but I really have no idea why I am in today's state. Not being able to pursue a dream, I can only regret and work hard on my forte now.

Dinner was at The Garden Slug with B's, Zi Yi, Satish, Clarissa, Alvin, Hao, Louis, Wei Xuan and of course my Baby. It was the first time, first experience I gained for Baby was there to celebrate it with me. No amount of words can express how much I really am grateful for the day.

Thank you my dearest B's, for all these years of companion and support. I have no idea where I will be without you girls. Thank you Wai Yan for the make-up palette from Sephora. I really love it a lot! Kathy, your presence was more than enough for me so don't worry about what I want all right? Thinking back, I didn't exact;y get you a present last year! So no worries my dear! You are the best girlfriend ever anyone can ever wish for! <3 Thank you Ziyi, for the cute hand-made card! It was not of design standard of course, but it was really the thought that counts! And for that, I am very thankful! (: Satish, uh... Thanks for coming for the dinner and celebrating together with us and not forgetting the cake that you shared too! And thanks for driving! Hahaha! (:

Clarissa and Alvin, thanks for coming and giving me so much face! :) Your presence really mattered to me!
Thank you for the wish in the card too!

Louis, Hao, Wei Xuan Thanks Da Ge, Er Ge and my baby's qian fu! Hahaha! (: BTTE, STTE! Thanks for the wish in the card too! Really appreciate your presence! :)

My Brothers & Sisters. I know perhaps none of you may read this, but I would still like to thank you guys for this friendship and sibling ties. Though none of you could make it tonight and we said that we would postpone this celebration till a later date, I would still like to say this lil sister miss all of you guys! Arif and Rahim, do take care of yourselves in Thailand! And to the rest,

Andy, Boon Kiat, Cheng Hua, Denise, Farhan, Jason, Jia Xuan, Lee Hao, May Ling, Rebecca, Shaun, Sze Zhuang, Wai Leong, Winnie

Thank you all for this priceless friendship. Though most of you are serving the nation now and going through the toughest time, I hope you all would take care of yourselves and survive this period well! This 2-3 years of friendship may be short, but it's not a friendship that can be broken just like that. That is I hope it wouldn't. I miss you all so much!

Carter Seah Jia De. The things that you did for me, is not something I can express in words. Whatever I can say, I've already said. And I know you don't want me to thank you! So baby, I love you. Reallly really do. Thanks for always putting a smile to my face. The times whereby it always seem the hardest to live by, you will never fail to show me you are always there for me. :') I know there's a lot of obstacles for us to overcome, but I believe nothing is impossible for us for we believe.


Love is an everyday thing. :) 


I love you. Till Infinity & Beyond. <3




& Happy 19th Birthday to my dearest girlfriend, Delia Goh. <3

Love,

Estee

Reflection

"I remembered that during the second week of this block, I broke down for the very first time of my year 3. There was this sudden overwhelming feeling that daunted me. The fact that being in Year 3 was a heavy load to endure. But I can’t express how much gratitude I have to my lecturers, peers and friends for their never-ending support and encouragement. And so since then, I picked myself up to embrace myself the challenges that were coming forth." 

Ripped this off my Reflection Journal for Advanced Animation. I know I am a strong girl. And I am very thankful for the many people in my life supporting me throughout!

Family, Baby, B's, Clique, Twitter Buddies, etc! <3

Thanks everyone! Year 3 will past sooner than I know. I will not succumb to failure but only strive for success!

All right, back to my reflection now! Tata~

Love, 

Estee

HI, BYE!

HI! I got distracted by Mr. Ronald cause he needed someone to help him with coding for a website! Decided to head to Blogskins.com (Oh my god, ancient!) and boy it was so nostalgiccccc!

Okay, Audio for Animation class is starting soon! Tata!

Love,

Estee

Parties, School and Life Part II - June, July, August, September 2011

Today is supposed the start of Year Three! But lessons are only officially starting tomorrow and therefore I'm taking this chance to blog a little before going out to meet Baby later. Yes. 2012, has been quite an ironic year. This has gotta be the most probably depressing first half of the year for me I guess. And my dear boy has gotta be the only thing that is the best thing that ever happened to me this year. Well, but before I start blogging about the first one-third of 2012, I'mma start blogging about the second half of 2011 first. :)

And so continuing on, June 2011 started off with me visiting Choir Camp'11! The alumni sang Come Travel With Me and being there as an audience was really a nostalgic one! :') Those memories that Dunman Choir had pieced up throughout my Secondary school years is really an unforgettable part of my life. Then come mid June, Brother got enlisted into Army just like every Singaporean Son. The trip to Tekong with Daddy, Mummy, Sister and Vanessa was a fun one! :) Brother got into Kestrel Coy and we bid him goodbye for two weeks. Then come my holidays and we headed to Jakarta as usual for Father's Day and Grandpa's birthday. We celebrated Father's Day Lunch at a vegetarian restaurant different from 2010. And then Grandpa's birthday was celebrate at Teochew Palace in Mega Mall. It was truly an unforgettable night. But never did we all expect that it is the last birthday that we were to celebrate with Grandpa...

July was like a new start for me in school with new group mates and all. Then there was the class first chalet at Coasta Sands (Pasir Ris). We had great fun and I had a new nick name "Esteecia" just because I couldn't stand the stickiness of the floor when we first entered the chalet and started to mop the floor with the cloth while the rest of the class were just staring at me. Hahaha! :) But it was really memorable with Joshua telling us stories about the different dimensions of the world and the most unforgettable part was when I seriously thought I head a snake sound coming from under the bed and I screamed and Aaron jumped along with me! Hahahahaha! :) And so Ophys has a meet-up dinner too and I attended with Darling Dee! It was pretty fun meeting up with the people! I really kinda miss camp but honestly I don't have the time to commit, which is why I didn't dare join DOC for both years despite Si Tian's encouragement! :/ Towards the end of July, we celebrated Mama's 81st Birthday at Er-yi's house! It was fun as usual just meeting the cousins and all! :) 

August! Apart from the busy schedule at school, I basically get to meet up with the RHG people for a dinner at INSOMNIA@CHJIMES! The place serves really great food and the al-fresco dining was not too bad! :)  And I remember Brother making me really angry on a certain day and I refused to forgive him! Then Mummt planned this dinner at Astons@Changi Airport as I happened to be doing work then with Elson at Starbucks! To please Mummy, I just had to forgive him and he pinched me when we patched! -.- Oh and there's Sister's birthday celebration at Sizzler! That place is highly recommended for salad bar buffet! It's really good! :)

Start of September and the sad news hit the B's! Our Dearest Wai Yan Hazel B. Chin has to return to Malaysia to serve her nation! Yes, Malaysian girls has to serve their nation as they go through balloting votings! And so Clarissa and her planned a chalet for her friends to have a last reunion before she bid us goodbye for 3 months with no contact! Then the following week, I attended the Not-Too-Identical Twins 21st Birthday at the same chalet but different unit! I volunteered to help Mr Chow be his photographer and ever since then I have been taking up voluntary projects of many many birthday celebrations! I'mma happy girl with a camera to capture the happy memories! :D We got to met two new friends, and among them has gotta be one special one hehehe! :P Okay, not gonna disclose anything much yet because it's supposed 2011 September post! I'm really glad and thankful to Mummy who allowed me to stay at the chalet for two consecutive nights, allowing me to have so much fun with my Bros and Sistas! :)

Of course why Mummy allowed was because I was to start working at DHL for that whole month of holidays, which is another thankful matter I've gotta thank Mummy once again! The pay is really good and I really enjoyed my whole course of working at DHL along side with the bimbo Vanessa Chong! I met so many wonderful colleagues which includes Michelle, Jonathan, Fauzi, etc. and DHL really taught me a lot! It was a job that completely trusted us part-timers to work on our own. I had to lias with other countries DHL staff and send formal emails and this job really taught me a lot about the working society. :)

 Okay, seems like I gotta continue October, November and December another time round! Really gotta start vacuuming the floor a little and start preparing to go out to meet my Baby Dearest! Till next time!

Love, Estee